A post full of abstract thought that will inevitably distract you

The crazy thing about life is that nobody knows what the fuck they are doing. Nobody.

Think about it. We only get to do this once. Nobody's ever done it before. And once you've done it, you never get to do it again. Life is the ultimate cliche, a roller coaster, full of dips, turns, loops, excitement, nauseu, ecstacy, paranoia, fear, pandemonium, and calm--only you can't get back in line when the ride is over.

Anybody who tells you different is flat-out lying. Anybody who professes that they know what they're doing, know where they're going, is nothing more than self-delusional. There's a difference between knowing what you want and knowing how to get there. Those who pretend they know how to get there, at the very best, are following a path already tread, accidentally, by another who tried it before them. Those people, who are usually the most self-righteous, are also the most short-sited and insecure. And they're almost certainly the most boring.

Me? If you haven't already figured it out, I'm completely fucking clueless. I have no idea where I'm going, nor an idea of how I'm gonna get there. And no, a steady job with a steady income does not a path plow.

I'm scared shitless. Somebody once said "there's nothing to fear but fear itself" (or something similarly trite like that). They were wrong. Truth is, there's nothing to fear except life itself, and the unknown that comes with it. But there's a way to get over that fear--by rushing head on into whatever life brings, and taking things as they come. By letting go, and letting things happen, rather than attempting to control everything around you. Believe me, there's been times when the gentle rest of death seemed an easy and welcome escape from the chaos that often defines my very essence. But there's no cheaper way to deal with reality than such permanent escape. The only way to deal with the fear that we all experience at one point or another is to accept that fear, to taste it, to savour it, to recognize that it is normal, natural, and maybe even healthy, and to use it to perservere and to help shape our lives and clear our paths.

Some people say that every person creates their own opportunities. I'm not saying that we don't. I just think that those who create their opportunities do so by admitting to themselves that ultimately, they can't be in complete control of what is happening--no matter how hard they try--and allowing themselves to fall headfirst into whatever it is they are trying to accomplish. They allow themselves the opportunities to create opportunities. It is those that don't try, that don't jump in, that can never have the opportunity to create opportunities, because there's no chance for any opportunities to arise when you're standing still.

For most of my life, I've been that person. I've long felt that it would be better not to try certain things, because if you don't try, you can't fail. But if you don't try, certainly you can't succeed. I'm slowly but surely coming to grips with prefering having tried and failed, rather than not having tried at all. Even as I learn to try more, to do more, to take that proverbial jump, I'm still going to be as scared shitless in the process. And hopefully I'll succeed at whatever it is I am talking about. But if I fail, I'm starting to understand that there is truly something to be said about having tried, rather than not having done so at all.

We're all feeling our ways in the dark. All of us. Even you, whether you admit it or not. But isn't there something really comforting about that?